you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
