We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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