I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
