you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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