what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
