So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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