I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
