the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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