Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
