and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
