not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
