so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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