I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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