you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
