My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
