There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
