I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
