i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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