I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
