even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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