He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
