Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
