I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
