Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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