i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
