As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
