Where are you?
In a non slutty way
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
