It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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