tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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