It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
