glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
