I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
