I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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