please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
