i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
