i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
