I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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