Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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