i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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