Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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