Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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