Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
