she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
