I can feel you judging me through the phone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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