She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
