just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
