I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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