In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
