in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
