OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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